I wrote this acoustic song (like vocals with just and acoustic guitar...) and I really like the work I've done on it. There's this one line in the lyrics that just doesn't work though.

I'm trying to say that this guy Billy died and went to heaven... bla bla bla...

Here is the first line (that I'm keeping): Billy never returned/came back/

Here's the second line that I comes after the one above (the one I need to change): His place on Earth was gone

What do you think I should change the second line to, to make it sound more like a preacher wasn't singing it?

Thanx a lot! Just wanted your opinions...

-The Ace

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There are only two important things in life - There's music and theres girls, not necessarily in that order....
The Ace's Guitar Tricks

His place on Mars was gone.

Now he sounds like an alien.

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Digit

LOL!!!!


890

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... and that's all I have to say about that.

ALL generalizations are WRONG

[/sarcasm]

What about:

He kissed this life goodbye

LSHISTPTCUEAWBOTGTF!!!! (Laughed so hard I started to puke, then cleaned up the mess and went back on the Guitar Tricks Forums!!!!)

I like "He kissed his life goodbye" (writes down in imaginary book of possible lyric lines)

__________________
There are only two important things in life - There's music and theres girls, not necessarily in that order....
The Ace's Guitar Tricks

Throw in there a "never more". I.e "here never more" or "never more will be"...of course you need to use it appropiatly...just suggestions.

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WWSD? What would stevie do?

I think I was already a step ahead of oyu on the never more, its used on every chorus (so it's pretty much out here).

Thanks anyway.

__________________
There are only two important things in life - There's music and theres girls, not necessarily in that order....
The Ace's Guitar Tricks