Stupid forum game that I'm stealing from another forum

[iamthe_eggman]

OK, here's a fun activity for the kiddies that will surely provide days of ceaseless amusement.... THE BAD ADVICE GAME!!! Where you answer the previous person's request for advice with really bad advice, and then pose a question of your own!!!!

Here goes!!!!

I'm thinking of redecorating my room. Any suggestions?

[the fool]

You can paint yer walls black for starters to save them heating bills. Them science folk says black absorbs all them rainbow colors so I figured, if you can paint yer walls black, maybe you'll make your room warmer. Nowadays, the sun's gettin more hotter too, and people are dying from skin cancer, so I suggest you close your windows and your door with piles of wood to protect yourself from them ultraviolet rays and from them thieves as well. For the floor, you can just throw some newspapers and toilet paper so if you spill anything, them papers will just absorb the liquids so you won't need to worry about bending and wiping yer floor.

Now... how do you go about playing this game again?

[iamthe_eggman]

First of all, go to your parent's room and take all their medicine (even if you don't live with them anymore). Then, scurry back to the computer and log back on to GT Forums. Take the medicine and feed it to the internet while typing away.


Well, I think I need a little vacation.... where to?

[the fool]

You can take a bicycle (cars and airplanes are expensive and pollutes the environment) and go to Never Land- you know, the place where Peter Pan lives, not the one where Michael Jackson lives? Or, if you find it too dangerous because of pirates (and a repeated sex offender), you can just go inside your walk- in closet and visit Narnia, you know, like in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. I heard the White Queen makes the best Turkish delights.


I need to brush my teeth, what brand of tooth paste should I use?

[Leedogg]

Have you tried new Skoal brand toothpaste? It really is a delight. Clinically proven to cause gum and mouth cancer within the first 6 weeks of use. Packed full of shredded fiberglass "scrubbers", Skoal brand toothpaste promises hyper-sensitive teeth and bleeding gums OR YOUR MONEY BACK.



I'm thinking of installing a shelf directly above my bathtub to hold some bathroom essentials (radio, blow dryer, toaster). How should I go about securing the shelf?

[the fool]

You can stick your finger up your nose and stick the shelf with booger.

I'm thinking of buying a car. Which car should I buy?

[noticingthemistake]

Why buy one?? Just go down to your local donut shop and when a cop gets out of his car, oink like a pig and take his. Make sure you turn your lights on and if there's a shot gun in the car make sure you shoot a couple of shots back at him before you leave the area.

I'm thinking about getting a new job, what job should I get??

[iamthe_eggman]

Have you tried becoming a primary school schoolyard bully? There's decent money in that, I hear. You'd certainly have a size advantage if you've already graduated high school.


My computer is running pretty slow these days, I'm not sure why. What should I do?

[Hammurabi]

You should give your computer a good kick in the a$$. You gotta show those things who's the boss.

How should I dress for my next concert?

[metal_carnage]

some nice pink lingerie with jartells to start with, A Purple dress thats a littel to short and you should probably get yourself one of those high boots (60s style)

Go to the barbershop to get yourself a powerfull new haircut, back to the 60's with all sorts of stupid and discusting pink thingys.

oyea, dont forget to out your PEACE earrings in ;)


- I apply a job. What should I do to make absolutely sure the job is mine? -

[The Ace]

Make sure not to take a shower for a few days. Offices like that.... gives you a nice "vintage" smell. Brag about how many times you've took an order at the drive thru window at Mccie D's. During the interview, keep asking why there rooms look really funny and gay, they like a guy with a sense of humor. Then pik your nose and leave it rite there on the desk, just to show them you can handle the nitty gritty. Oh, and com in drunk or they won't even give you a second though.


My Ma's sick, and wants me to visit her, but i don feel like goin, how do i get out of it?

[iamthe_eggman]

Shoot her.


I've finally mastered every single Beck song ever written and transcribed it to sitar. What song(s) should I learn next?

[the fool]

you can learn how to play flight of the bumble bee on a sitar using your toes


I really like this chick. what should i do to impress her?

[Jolly McJollyson]

Kill her house pets and feed them to her. She'll see that you're a strong, confident guy who can go out and earn his keep, but who also has the refined metrosexual ability to cook.

My best friend is having problems with her weight, what should she do?

[Hammurabi]

Purge and screw up her electrolytes. The bulemia will be a good way to slim her down a little and after she goes into cardiac arrest she can lose a few of those useless weighty organs, like the intestines and lungs.

How do I gain weight?

[The Ace]

Eat lots of pills! They have some weird chemical that makes you get really fat! Same thing with salads and lite dressing. Who r they fooling putting "lite" on the label? We all know it gives double the fat and carbs.....

I'm kinda short on cash, and don't have enough money for cable..... but i need those channels. Any advice?

[Rainy River Madman]

Go to your neighbors house and patch into theirs, but make sure you do it at night, and wear all black. Oh yea one more thing, its best to go right into their bedroom while they are asleep and patch into that line. Then when you are done call the cable company and make sure you did it right!!


My wife is pregnant with our Fourth Child and we are done having kids after this, what is your best suggestion for Birth Control????

[Jolly McJollyson]

Well, as no birth control is really 100% reliable, I'd just kill her. The woman who no longer bears children is no use to society. Try to make it look like an accident, though!

My sister's boyfriend lost his job and is wondering how he can break the news to her, how can he remedy this problem?

[DreamRyche2112]

You all have tried yourt best and failed miserbaley.. the lesson is never too try... because trying is always the first step to failure.....

Thats a good line.

[the fool]

Kill her parents and everyone that your gf's beloved ones, then tell her you lost your job. I bet you she would just shrug off the fact that you lost your job.

I want to learn how to read. Where should I go?

[Bodomchild]

Should I?...Nah

Go to your local video store because just about every book worth reading has a movie. It's much more entertaining and what would take a few days now takes only a few hours. Forget about it, reading would just get in the way of guitar playing.

I'm thinking of becoming a druggie. I hear they score with all the hot chicks.

[noticingthemistake]

I know a couple of columbian druglords who are more than willing to help you out. Although everyone I've sent to them as never been seen again. But wait there's probably just busy scoring with hot chicks.

My grandmother has fallen and she can't get up. What should I do?

[PRSplaya]

leave the old lady there in the floor and plug your amp in right next to her and turn it up all the way and play your heaviest riffs until she either goes insain or learns her lesson not to fall again.

My friends girlfriend is so ugly that it makes my stomache turn. what should I do about it?

[The Ace]

Put a paper bag over her head every time you see them, and when ur frend asks y... u tell him the truth.... honesty is the best policy ya know! If he gets mad tell him, "its alrite that shes ugly, cuz u wudn be able to score much higher." If all else fails, kill the frend and trash the chick, problem solved you never deal with them again.

I have a really bad singing voice, is there anything to do so my voice will actually stay on pitch?

[Leedogg]

The problem most likely stems from the millions of microbes calling your larynx "home". I suggest gargling with clorox bleach 3 times daily, that should clear things up a bit, don't you think?

My neighbor is a dog breeder and has a whole kennel of mutts that bark at night and keep me up, what should I do?

[Jolly McJollyson]

Wait until late at night, then release thousands of locusts into their kennel. While you're at it, record the sounds of his dogs barking while the swarms of locusts devour them and play it, on a loop, in your neighbor's window every night.

My friend is gay, but isn't sure how to let his parents know, what should he do?

[metal_carnage]

Go to jerry Springer, bring his parents and his gay friend.
Then confess he's gay to his parents on international television and propose his gay friend :) w00t meet the parents :P


- Okay, My girl tries to play guitar... only she isn't to good at it... how should I tell her?

[Jolly McJollyson]

The next time she goes sharp or flat, rip the guitar from her hands and smash it against the wall, laughing maniacally.

I'm having trouble keeping popups from taking over my computer, any suggestions as to how to fix this?

[Death55]

well, i'm not too sure. How about getting a gun and everytime you see a pop up appear try and shoot it i'm sure it will be good target practice and will get rid of all that anger caused by them !

My cat is always hungry and meowing at me because it wants more food. How can i solve this problem ?

[the fool]

feed your cat with rat poison- i bet you a 100%, it won't bother you anymore

I plan to rob a bank- how do I go about doing this?

[The Ace]

Brite orange clothing..... they'll think your like a security guard..... and call them before hand, just to give them the heads up so the news crews will be there and you'll be famous..... toy water guns always do the tricks for this...... it may seem like they think your bluffing, but since its a fake gun they actually think your telling the truth (sick logic isn't it?)... then go and take the biggest, toughest guy in the bank hostage.... to show that you've got chops..... you'll get the money i guarantee it....

My brother is obseessed with fish.... but i hate them... their wet and get in the way.... how do i get rid of them.... while not hurting his feelings?

[the fool]

tell your brother that the fish was infected by madcow disease while swimming in Canada. that way, you can throw the fish and your brother would've thanked you for saving his life.


how do you play chinese checkers?

[The Ace]

No body really knows how to play it... to find out get a job and fly one way to China..... go to Hong - kong (or is that in Japan?) and go on lucas st. to a strange alley... there you will meet the "wise 1" hes the same guy who sells the gremlins..... pay him $50 and prove u r worthy and he will tell u how....


How can i learn to backflip?

[iamthe_eggman]

You'll need rope, a pulley, about 4 feet of steel chain and a sturdy ceiling. Get all the materials together, and I'm sure you'll follow my train of thought.


I like the smell of white-out, but it makes my nose white. How can I hide this slightly embarassing habit from my friend Adam who lives in the mirror?

[Jolly McJollyson]

I once had the same problem. To keep your friend from finding out, you first have to keep him out of your head. This can be done by slicing a watermelon in half, hollowing it out, and wearing it as a helmet. Adam will never be able to see through a sturdy watermelon-helmet. Be sure to wear it everywhere. Also, make sure that every waking minute of your life is spent muttering "The hamster is a god..." This way Adam can't get a word in edgewise. Also, go over the white-out in yellow highlighter and merely tell everyone you have concentrated jaundice.

How can I tell the difference between love and infatuation?

[iamthe_eggman]

Go to www.guitartricks.com/forum (http://www.guitartricks.com/forum). There's a thread there titled "Stupid forum game" something or other. I'm sure someone there will be helpful.


Back to Adam. He's still managing to wreak havoc on my social life, in spite of your advice on muttering "The hamster is a god...", which I've been faithfully applying for the past 41 minutes. However, the watermelon is quite popular with the ladies, if you know what I mean. How can I get rid of him once and for all? And, by the way, I have tried breaking all the mirrors in the house. Then he just finds me at my friends' houses.

[the fool]

Try to convince adam that face paint is the "in" thing nowadays and chicks will dig the "white out" just as they dig the watermelons (although guys dig watermelons too- but that's a different watermelon and a different topic for another different forum). Try to tell adam how it's a macho thing- just look at the military people and the native indians- they wear some sort of paint in their faces. And instead of chanting, hamster is god, try chanting "white out= mojo."

What is a cheeseburger?

[Hammurabi]

It's what happens when Chester goes bad :)

I want to swap genders and become a lesbian. How can I descretely (<--I'm sure I misspelled that one) find out how much this would cost?

[the fool]

Use mental telepathy and read both the surgeon's mind and a person- who- has- had- sex- change- done's- mind (i just used a lot of words, i wanted to use transvestite but i don't know if that politically correct)- You know, to be sure- some doctors give you a price, but after the surgery, somehow the patient pays another)

I have a receeding headline and a very thin layer of hair. My doctor says i'll be bald in 1 month. how do i get my hair back?

[noticingthemistake]

Open a place and give people a free bikini wax. Burn there hair and shave your own arse and use that hair.

You and your mate are about to have sex. First you go into the bathroom to freshen up. When you come out your mate is taking a dump on the floor. What do you do?

[Edited by noticingthemistake on 01-13-2004 at 10:26 AM]

[PRSplaya]

buy stock in the pooper scooper company.

I got drunk the other night and had "sexual relations" with some random chick. Now I have an unidentafiable rash in the nether regions. What should i do?

[the fool]

that's easy... cut your balls off

What is the meaning of life?

[Jolly McJollyson]

That's easy, cut your balls off.

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

[homo]

Hello, my name is Eric/Quaid/whatever. I like to make nonsensical posts that insult people in general and make me feel superior in front of my friends.

What is your opinion on keeping me on this site, Death55? And please refer to me in the second person.



...wait a sec-...






AHHHHH!!!! THE POWER!!!!!
- your friendly neighbourhood eggman

[Edited by iamthe_eggman on 01-13-2004 at 09:32 PM]

[Death55]

No no... get rid of him... ban him or something !!!

[Death55]

Go into the chat on this site !! then i will talk to you there !

[Death55]

I'm not from the USA you crettin ( and yes moderators you can delete all this crap from this tread that we've both said)

[Death55]

Yeah... and i know your a REM

[DreamRyche2112]

Yo quaid i can tell youve never gotten laid... lightnen up... Or just get off the board.... ( i much rather prefer the seconf option)

[iiholly]

Go to hell.

[homo]

BEEEE NICEEEEEE!!

[homo]

btw, i like what you did with my past posts! but you forgot something......im quaid you have no power. I insulted no one. please refur to me as the .13th person so im high enough to shytz on yourz face. LOVE!!!!!

[Seve420]

Homo, that's a pretty gay name. [slaps knee in mock hilarity after terrible joke]

[homo]

do you have a problem with my homo-sexuality?

[Leedogg]

There's not a problem with your gaiety, it's your incessant spamming of the boards with nonsense that's getting people pissed off.

[iamthe_eggman]

I knew it would come down to this....

*locking thread*