A girl issue(no not that!)

[chucklivesoninmyheart]

Yeah,this is a strange post.Eh,I'm a guy.There is a girl that really likes me.She is funny,uplifting,creative,she plays guitar,likes video games,is intelligent,smart,caring,likes anime,likes good music,is understanding e.c.t.....hmmm....did you notice I left out something in the description?
Well she isnt ugly,but She isnt hot either.
Just a little 'cumbersome'.She isnt obese...just big boned(I'm not sugar coating it).She is fine by my personal standards...private standards anyway.
As I know it,my friend considers her ugly along with alot of other guys I know.I have an anxiety/panic/socail disorder and dont like being alone in...oh lets say the mall.Theres lots of people there that could potentially judge and talk about me.Well you no whats worse?Being seen with someone who isnt attractive in the eyes of other people and being associated with that ideal of being a lesser person.
I myself really like her and want to be with her.She is just really awsome.I dont think shes ugly.

Well to get to the point...I want to be with her,but care what other people think and generally wouldnt want to be seen with her to be blunt(harsh and a bit mean I know,but thats how I feel).Its the only thing keeping me from enjoying a possible life long relationship with a wonderful person...

any advice?I know this is a very immature post and attitude for that matter.

Thanks in advance! \m/

[SPL]

What's more important to you?
Your own happyness? Or what other people, who are just too god damn shallow, might think of you?

Beauty comes from within, and from what you write you seem to really like this girl, isn't that all that matters? Not all of us can date women that conform to society's standards of "beauty" since there's only like 5 women like that out there...

My advice, to be blunt, get over yourself! Grow up, and start living your life for yourself! What other people think of you doesn't mean ****.

[Edited by SPL on 11-14-2003 at 12:01 AM]

[Pantallica1]

I agree with SPL.

After high school, you won't even talk/see the same people. And forget about everyone else. It's a hard fact of life, but guess what, you can get along with someone if you like their personality way more than for just going for looks.What happens when the hot girl gets fat/ugly, and you hate her personality?

You should be with whoever makes you happy. If your "friends" are really friends, they won't give two sh1ts about who you date, as long as you're happy.

On another note, if you don't like being seen with her in public, that could really hinder your relationship. You should just grow up and forget about everyone else, don't give in to society, just do your own thing, people will respect you a lot more.

I'd say go for it. If you think about it, I don't know anyone who walks around the mall and goes, "Oh my God, look at those two, she's a friggin' beast, what the heck is up with that." I go to the mall to shop. And if someone does do that, they are just shallow and need to grow up themselves.

Go for it man, you only live once, there is no use wasting a perfectly good opportunity with someone who could be your soulmate, just because some "people" think shes ugly.

[andy82]

Looks are good don't last as long as personality. Hot girl with not so good personality will eventually wear you down (from personal exprience). I wonder why I broke up with my ex-gf, shame on me.

Hmmm just wondering how many people on forum suffer from some kinda of disorder? Do you have to be diagnosied by a Psychiatrist to be one? If not, I guess I have a disorder too. I have hmmm.. ego... anti-society kinda attitude. I always stick to my standards, and I like to tell you to do the same. Stick to your guns man especially if its a girl thing.

[Dr_simon]

Do you like her?

If so go for it and other people be damed,

[Christoph]

The real issue is if you think you can really do better for yourself. If you're not good looking yourself, then what's the point in complaining about going out with a girl that may not conform exactly to your standards of beauty.

Why don't you post some pics. LOL

[noticingthemistake]

Originally posted by chucklivesoninmyheart

I myself really like her and want to be with her.She is just really awsome.I dont think shes ugly.


There's your answer man. Give her a chance. I think everyone is right, nobody looks at another person and says look at who he's with. That's all in your head, and if it does work out and you 2 have a great relationship where she's not only your lover but a best friend. People will envy you.

[SPL]

Originally posted by Christoph

The real issue is if you think you can really do better for yourself. If you're not good looking yourself, then what's the point in complaining about going out with a girl that may not conform exactly to your standards of beauty.

Why don't you post some pics. LOL

You're kidding right?

[chucklivesoninmyheart]

I'll get a digital camera just for you christoph...
No I'm not ugly...I look like any long haired dude in a black/death metal band... well some might find that ugly.

I can and have done better in the 'looks' department,but her personality is unmatched by every girl ive ever known.

Eh,screw it...I'll go with the flow of life and just be content that I even know someone so awsome that would want to be with me unconditionally.

thanks...

[PonyOne]

If you love her that's all that matters... if my girlfriend (who's drop dead gorgeous) went solely by looks then she would have dumped my when I got all fat. Conversely if she fattened up badly I'd still stay with her; I love her personality. But if you really can't get over her looks yourself, then maybe you shouldn't date her. Regardless it doesn't really matter if other people don't think she's good looking.

a couple points to mull over...

-if you faithfully date an unattractive girl your attractiveness in other girls' eyes grows (because you're so romantic, kind, mature and caring that you don't need a piping hot woman to feel vindicated), so when your relationship sours and you break up it will be easier to find a better looking girl.

-i used to have freakin horrid social anxiety... you know how i got over it? i took myself out of the habit of saying and thinking and blaming every one of my problems on a disorder. I mean I have ADD, clinical depression, and god knows what else, in addition to neurological/physiological ills, and I just arbitrarily ignore having them. i quit drinking and all that crap and made every effort I could to focus my mind as much as possible.

[ketsueki15]

hey man..if you friends are gonna joke on you, then there really not your friends at all..since when should u care what other people think about u?? do what you feel is best..thats all i can offer

[Axl_Rose]

Dood!! Listen to me!! GO FOR IT!! Ive just lost my girlfriend this week and for one reason only! Her looks! Shes pretty damn hot and everyday she used to get texts, emails and calls from guys who liked her! Everytime she goes out people are always hassling her, and when we used to walk along the street people always used to whistle or make remarks. Now I honestly aint boasting cos its really horrible. And the result, her ego is massive, shes turned into a really vain, attension seeking b*ch!! Now Im generally not an insecure or jealous guy, but its tough being with someone thats really popular. Man I sound bitter huh :(

[zepp_rules]

what's her number?






seriously chuck, don't worry about others. what's important is what makes you happy. looks are only a minor part of the equation. if you enjoy her company and being with her, that's all that matters.

[hairbndrckr]

Just remember this... Who cares what other people think....plastic surgery can do wonderful things these days, but the people whos opinions you value will still be dumba$$es. It's a rare find to come across someone whos personality is compatible with yours, so don't let it get away.

[Axl_Rose]

Yea but there are a lot of nice women out there! Loads with nice personalities... loads with nice looks... trick is to find one with both :)

[hairbndrckr]

Look man take it from me... Looks fade with age. I mean hell take Tawny Catan. She used to be the main character in a lot of adolecent fantasys of mine, and now she looks like a man. Personality is way more important than looks. Hell I don't think there is enough plastic and makeup to help her now...

[Jolly McJollyson]

Boy, is this thread a sausage fest or what? Do we have any female members who can tell this poor bastard what to do? I doubt it, women can't play guitar anyhow (j/k).

[iiholly]

Originally posted by Jolly McJollyson
do? I doubt it, women can't play guitar anyhow (j/k).
Ya, those were fighting words if I ever heard them ;).
Ya well the title of this post cracked me up, and I just thought I'd first and foremost mention that.
I could tell you what everyone else is saying, who cares about looks its personality that counts, but then I would be a hypocrit being shallow at time myself. If you really can't get over her looks, then you don't deserve her. I'd reccomend you should try it out, because really how many girls like video games?

[Benoit]

I haven't read all the posts and don't really know where you're at in life (highschool, working,....) but here goes.

I was once dreaming of the perfect girl like every young kid my age back then. Only problem was that I was the fat kid, I never got looked at except to be laughed at. So I wasn't popular and people were giving me a hard time on a daily basis. This is not a sad story and I am not trying to get you to feel sorry for me, it was my life period.

Although I wanted to be popular and get the cool, beautiful girl I knew I had to change, which I wasn't ready to do. You got to understand something, life is what you make of it and if you try to live it by not being yourself, in the long run it's gonna hurt you.

The people around you are only tourist in your life, don't try to impress them. Most of them will be gone from your life in a couple of years. The ones that will stay will not be there because your tried to impress them with the girls you get or the things you do, but because you are yourself around them.

Anyway the point is, if you feel she is all you want then go for it man. Looks isn't what is gonna make you happy, being with someone you feel good around, someone you can share things without restrain, someone you can count on.

Don't let the chance of being happy slip you by and realise one day (while trying to tell someone in a guitar forum not to make the same mistakes you did) that you didn't had the courage to be yourself ....

Chances like that don't come often. And if people give you a hard time because you're with that girl, look at them very closely and remember, they are not worthy of your respect.

[Azrael]

Originally posted by Benoit

The people around you are only tourist in your life, don't try to impress them. Most of them will be gone from your life in a couple of years. The ones that will stay will not be there because your tried to impress them with the girls you get or the things you do, but because you are yourself around them.

AMEN to that.

dude, you obviously have a problem. your problem is fear. fear from what others might think about you. when you ditch that woman, you avoid that problem instead of facing it and work on it. thats the WORST thing you can do in your life - running away form problems.

imagine yourself standing in a snow-covered valley. to your sides huge mountains. those surroundings are your life. then a small snowball rolld down from one of the mountains. this is your problem. instead of standing tall and stoping that little snowball, you step aside. the lil ball rolls up the mountain on the other side and whilst rolling it gathers material and grows. after a while it turns around and comes back again. and again you aviod it and step aside. yo udo that several times untill the snowball has turned into a huge mass of snow and you cannot get out of its way anymore. this time it runs you over.

i hope you understand what i want to say with that - work on your problems as long as they are still small. this is YOUR chance dude - dont turn your tail and flee. you will regret it later.

who cares what the others say. YOU HAVE ONLY GOT THIS LIFE (at least you have to assume this worst-case scenario). do you realy want to stand there at the end of your life saying to yourself "i always did what the others wanted - but i never did what i wanted to. but in my next life i´ll know better"?? think about it. there might not be a next life....

[Edited by Azrael on 11-18-2003 at 04:16 AM]

[rick diamond]

Yeah, you should get together with her, just because there is NO argument against it. I can't understand why you hesitate. Love lasts forever - friends you have "satisfy" like that won't give a **** on you, when you're down.

[iamthe_eggman]

Originally posted by Azrael
imagine yourself standing in a snow-covered valley. to your sides huge mountains. those surroundings are your life. then a small snowball rolld down from one of the mountains. this is your problem. instead of standing tall and stoping that little snowball, you step aside. the lil ball rolls up the mountain on the other side and whilst rolling it gathers material and grows. after a while it turns around and comes back again. and again you aviod it and step aside. yo udo that several times untill the snowball has turned into a huge mass of snow and you cannot get out of its way anymore. this time it runs you over.
[Edited by Azrael on 11-18-2003 at 04:16 AM]


mmmm... perpetual motion....