Freaky nonguitar venting

[blackrose]

In US history today, we watched a video on the Kennedy assasination and it showed his head expoliding like an overripe cantelope on a golf course like 6 times slow motion and i was really disturbed by the fact that i liked it, it gave me a warm sense of satisfaction for no reason. Should i be worried or am i just an average violently minded guy?

[Raskolnikov]

I think almost everybody has those "hmmm, you know I could ___________..." moments. Just as long as you snap out of it a second later and don't act on it, you're still "normal."

[lalimacefolle]

First time I saw those images was when tha movie JFK came out, and I almost barfed...
Dude, everyone should see that movie, talk about crazy s**t!!!

[educatedfilm]

yeah, the movies like to exagerate things... if you watch some of the real footage about the hutus and tutsis, you see a guy really getting decapitated... It's not perticularly bloody, or violent for that matter... he just puts his hands up, and this guy swings something (it's a machete, but you cant make it out cos the camera is at a distance), and the guys head just softly falls off, it's silent, and I found it quite frightning... Cos it's similar to alot of my nightmares... The other thing, was this other guy was caght by theses armed soldiers on a bridge over a river... They grabbed him, and then threw him off... and he landed on this little island (about 6 or 7 floors hieght under the bridge), and they casually started shoot at him when he was lying there, and the reporter guy is really shLting it...
yeah it's pretty nasty stuff... I'm hopefully gonna be a doctor, so blood, gore and guts doesn't really do anything to me... but seeing real clips of humans killing each other is pretty scary... maybe that's why i take such a strong oppinion against big brand companies (and governments claiming to be fighting for freedom) suppourting regimes like this...

[blackrose]

Theres still a difference between liking it as in "oh, that was cool." and liking it as in getting that warm fuzzy feeling inside like the first time you hold hands with a girl you like. I wouldnt be worried except that ive gotten more than one clue recently about my mental health. You know, insomnia, severly antisocial tendancies, drawing disturbing surrealistic renditions and then listening to loud harsh music for at least 4 hours before even trying to go to sleep, wondering what it would feel like to stab a girl in the stomach and then rape her through the wound, stuff like that. Even with all that i wouldnt be worried except I dont really have any friends so I dont know whats normal.

Have any of you seen the photo in the news lately with the suspected militarist in Nigeria getting hacked to death by a machette&cutlass toting gang? The media doesn't always soup stuff up, sometimes its more politically effective to show sh!t the way it actually is.

[lalimacefolle]

Originally posted by blackrose
so I dont know whats normal.

I have spent a lot of time trying to understand what was crazy and what wasn't.

What you think is pretty weird. I have had my share of weird thoughts. But as long as they are fantasms and not acts, you aren't that crazy... You should know that people that are considered antisocial/mad/nutcases have the same thoughts as we all do, except they put them into acts (murdering someone, raping someone, etc.). You might say you don't have dreams of raping a girl through a wound you inflicted her, but your subconsious might have worst thought that come out of it in dreams... As long as you see those thoughts as undoable things, you are normal. If you think you will try and do them tomorrow, get some help, it's no big deal going to a shrink...

[James]

briefly, psychotics are defined as people who have no sense of morality and sociopaths are people who have no sense of consequences (ie, put their fantasies into actions).

at least that's what I learned from a high school sociology course.

[friskynibbles]

my girlfriend even gets a kick out of watching that. you're normal.
-Daniel

[blackrose]

Psychotic:Relating to any violent mental abnormaility
Anti-social:Lacking a sense of guilt
Sociopath:Aggressive antisocial behavior

Thats how my psychology book describes it

[PonyOne]

If you're alive, at some point you'll die. Death motivates a lot of what we do and he way our cultures work, and I really don't think it's normal to NOT find some degree of fascination with it.

My non-guitar art form is illustration, I'm pretty good at it, if I may say so myself. I do loads of comics, actually, my girlfriend has some of them posted up on her site, I'll get the address and san in a few new ones so you can all observe. Anyway, violence has always been a major part of my life, like it or not, and it manifests itself in my art.

I will flip from gratuitous violence to no violence and lots of dialogue to violence in context to dialogue to more gratuitous violence like it's nothing. I'd never go out and shoot someone, but other people do, that's a fact, and it's futile to try and deny it. So I draw it out. I think the best response I got on a picture was when a kid my freshman year puked after reading an installment of my long-running series Frank. I don't think that I can post the happenings here.

I spent a few of my formative years living in the "bad" part of Washinton state, near Seattle. I've stopped counting how many friends of mine are dead, it's not worth the emotional duress. But I recall being at a party where there was a gang hit, and running around the house to see three people I knew-two of whom had nothing to do with anything- laying down in a pool of blood. Two weeks later, a bullet pierced the skull of a bud who wasn't more than ten feet away. There's an amazing difference between seeing death on TV and flipping it over to try and save it. (enter war veteran mode) On TV, you don't smell the gunpowder hanging in the air, or get the faint tinge of burning flesh. I've never seen a movie that gets the conistency of a puddle of blood right, because it mixes with stomach acid, bile, urine and a bunch of other nasty things and forms a thick red sludge that looks a lot like ketchup, but with the consistency of chocolate milk.

More than anything else it can't convey the feeling of anguish as you realize that not you nor the twenty other people around can do anything to reverse it. I find it hard to laugh at movies where people die because it never deals with the dead guy's brother crying vainly his name, the mother passing out, the kids staring on in bewilderment, or the rage I felt as I scrubbed grey matter & blood off the cordura on my boots that night, and coming to the realization that he, like me, was only 13 at the time. And there's this weird metaphysical.... thing that I can't really describe. It's like whatever void swallows them up almost grabs you too, and there's this residual let-down that attacks your ability to feel. (end war veteran mode)

There's this guilt that I can draw these beautiful pictures of peaceful landscapes, birds (i love birds) and love, and then I end up filling my comics with..... death. Lighthearted death, if there can be such a thing, death that can seem just. I guess it's survivor's guilt.

[ScottyTooHotty]

Dude you're a normal as the rest of us (which I don't know if that's a good thing or not). I think everyone's got a bit of a macabe side to them. It's more of curiosity than anything. I've seen the Zapruder film and I've seen JFK (actually I own it and have watched it quite a few times). I wouldn't start worrying until you want to act on those thoughts or the voices start getting louder (I'm fine now, the meds really quiet them down! haha).

[James]

A brilliant peice of writing man, incredibly poetic. Really made me think.

[PonyOne]

Thanks, bro.

[ZackyH]

Every friend or family member that I've ever know that died, died in a car crash. 4 people.

[blackrose]

There actually is a crazy thought I've been seriously considering. Its really stupid but you know how it is...the logic of thoughts is limited to the reality the mind is experiencing at the moment of it's origin. What I want to do is during some class just get up and walk out and take a running dive down a flight of stairs and just lie there for a while. Seriously. I'll let you guys know if i ever do it.

[lalimacefolle]

Okay... Take pictures too...

[educatedfilm]

LALIMACEFOLLIE!!!! YOUR SUPPOUSED TO DISCOURAGE HIM!
dont do it man! vYou'll break your leg for nothing... it's as painful as hell, and I can quite honestly say that from experience... I always used to "jump" down stairs, where I would dive forward, put my arms forwad, grab the banister, or hold my self up by pushing really hard with both arms against the wall (it takes considerable upper body strenght), and swing your feet in pendulum like motion, so you top half moves quickly at the start (so you diving face first), and then your top half you nearly stop as you put your hands out and grab onto the banister, your legs would sming forward, so you land feet frist, so your feet never actaully touch the stairs at anypoint (can you tell I was hyperactive child?lol)... I'm quite short, and it works ok for me, It doesn't seem to work for tall poeple though....

Right, what happened, I was at the top of the stairs, and I was gonna do this little "jump", I jamp head first as usual, and put my arms out, except these stairs (at home) had very low banister, so my arms got thin air, which doesn't stop or slow you down much really... so basically I ended up doing a head first, and I swear to god, I've experinced anything soo painful... Ended up with brusied shins (i mean they were literally blue all over), and really hurt my back/ arms./ legss/ head, you name it... Luckly nothing permanent, but I was very small and light (about 11 years old, I was about 40kg, so about 80lbs), so if you do it, then I'm pretty sure you'll break something...

To me this sounds like your seeking attention... it's not the kinda of attention you want! just try to make friends, dont try too hard, but you know just be friendly....

[lalimacefolle]

educatedfilm, do you have any pictures??

I'm kidding by the way!! I do not think that self inflicted wounds will lead to anything...

[educatedfilm]

lol... I would've filmed my acident, and sent into the tv poeple, they would've given me £250 for it... eased the pain at least, and it was very painful... it's not like the pain of breaking an arm or what ever, it's allover, and it aches all the time... ribs are the worst, luckyly i didn't do my ribs in too bad...