young lyricist

[matt743]

hey guys
my name is matt and i want you guys to comment on my lyrics


thanks
this is the lyrics


I used to watch you from afar
Now I sit behind you; what a star
I used to thank you for the coffee
And for bringing me my meals
I’m the one who tips the ten dollar bill
When you were young you wanted to be a flamingo dancer
But I was a little young to give you the answer
I saw you sitting' at the party
I was to scared to ask
No I’m begging you to come back
Now I’m sittin’ at your wedding
Holdin' back all my tears
Wishin I had told you after all these years
But i'm sittin here clappin'
Wishin this had never happened
Now it’s been a couple years
And you’re holdin' back your tears
Said he dosen't love you anymore
I’m sittin here just one more day in Hollywood
I’m just wishen' you could
Be here with me
I wish I could see you in the audience
Just smiling and being as happy as could be

[Kevin Taylor]

Looks pretty good. Best thing to do now is put it to music.

[looneytunes]

You need to work on structure and rhyme. Tell your story, the whole story. I suggest taking a song writing course or atleast purchase a songwriting book.

Just my opinion.

Good Day!

[ren]

I'm with Kevin - put it to music... you'll find it evolves anyway... :)

[Nick6776]

also, you probably meant to say flamenco dancer