"Something"

[Geeetar4Life]

Verse:
I need a breath of fresh air again
I need to find a place where my heart can mend
so here I am walking down the street again
I need to find something, yeah something

Chorus:
something that I can put my focus on
something that tells me where I belong
right now I'm alone and don't know where to go
I need to find something that'll let me know

Verse:
I've been down this road a few times before
you'd think that by now I'd know my way around
I should know exactly where to find something
I need to find something, yeah something

Chorus:
something that I can put my focus on
something that tells me where I belong
right now I'm alone and don't know where to go
I need to find something that'll let me know

Bridge:
I find myself searching for something (Repeated)

Chorus:
something that I can put my focus on
something that tells me where I belong
right now I'm alone and don't know where to go
I need to find something that'll let me know





Constructive Criticism. I'm open for it.
Thanks in advance.

[Antony Reynaert]

Hey,

Looks good!

There was a time that i was doubtfull about my writing skills, but then i realized if its good for you, its good.

One point i would say, is that i would change the title (but hey, like I said; if this is what you want to express, if its right for you, that that is the way the song is going to be).

I just say this about the title, because you seem to use the word 'something' a lot in the lyrics already.

Naming a song to a word thats not in the lyrics, can give a deeper meaning to a song. Like you only give away part of the puzzle, like there's an other background to it that people cant see.



Keep up the good work!

You have to remember, the more you write songs, compose,... the better at it you are going to become.


Antony

[Geeetar4Life]

Hey thanks, I really appreciate it.
Yeah, I was kinda iffy about the title too because of how many times I use the word 'something' in the song. I'll probably change it sooner or later. Again, thanks.

















































bubaiii :cool:

[Bill Kelley]

Nice, I was wondering whats the style of the song going to be? Fast / slow? BK

[looneytunes]

The title of the song should be repeated throughout the piece. This teaches the listener the title instantly. Then they will remember the title and know what to search for on the web, or ask for in the record shop (if there any left).

I like the lyrics very much. I love rhyme in a song. You do rhyme some, but you are not constant. I suggest you rewrite to rhyme more percise.

If it were me, I would shorten the last line in the chorus to; 'I need something' and change the title to "I Need Something".

I would also drop the words "put my" in all the lines "Something that I can put my focus on". Making it "Somehting that I can focus on".

Also, I wouldn't let the listener hanging. I think you should add a verse telling you have found what you were searching for. It would most likely be a love, but that's up to you. And then change the last chorus to to imply you found that something.

Such as:

I found something that I can focus on
something that tells me I belong
no longer am I alone, I now know where to go
I found you and you are all I need to know

You can do it better, but you get the idea.

Just a few suggestions. It's your song.

Good Job!

[Geeetar4Life]

Nice, I was wondering whats the style of the song going to be? Fast / slow? BK
It's an kind of a fast up beat type of song. Well the chorus mainly. I will record a rough draft and then post it here...whenever I get to it.

[Geeetar4Life]

The title of the song should be repeated throughout the piece. This teaches the listener the title instantly. Then they will remember the title and know what to search for on the web, or ask for in the record shop (if there any left).

I like the lyrics very much. I love rhyme in a song. You do rhyme some, but you are not constant. I suggest you rewrite to rhyme more percise.

If it were me, I would shorten the last line in the chorus to; 'I need something' and change the title to "I Need Something".

I would also drop the words "put my" in all the lines "Something that I can put my focus on". Making it "Somehting that I can focus on".

Also, I wouldn't let the listener hanging. I think you should add a verse telling you have found what you were searching for. It would most likely be a love, but that's up to you. And then change the last chorus to to imply you found that something.

Such as:

I found something that I can focus on
something that tells me I belong
no longer am I alone, I now know where to go
I found you and you are all I need to know

You can do it better, but you get the idea.

Just a few suggestions. It's your song.

Good Job!
Those suggestions were great! Thanks a lot, I will definitely consider a lot of you guys' ideas.

[Geeetar4Life]

Okay so I recorded the rough draft of the song...and when I say rough...I mean rough. It only took me thirty minutes to record it so yeah, I know what needs work...timing, the bass line is wrong in certain parts, there's no drums, etc. but yeah, I just wanted to get a basic idea of what the song sounds like out there so I guess check it out.

thanks for all the feedback.

[looneytunes]

It's an kind of a fast up beat type of song. Well the chorus mainly. I will record a rough draft and then post it here...whenever I get to it.

Brandon, (is that better?)

I know that most on this site cater to heavy metal or hard rock, I like all kinds, but I seriously feel this song would work well as an acoustic piece played at a moderate tempo. I would not do it slow, but not fast either. You may consider a little bluesy or even fingerstyle. I am anxious to see what you will do with it.

How soon do you think you will have your first draft ready for us?

[Geeetar4Life]

It's ready. You can go look at my soundclick (not my band soundclick but my personal one).

[Geeetar4Life]

Okay so I recorded the rough draft of the song...and when I say rough...I mean rough. It only took me thirty minutes to record it so yeah, I know what needs work...timing, the bass line is wrong in certain parts, there's no drums, etc. but yeah, I just wanted to get a basic idea of what the song sounds like out there so I guess check it out.

thanks for all the feedback.
quote ^
It was ready about a week ago.

[looneytunes]

quote ^
It was ready about a week ago.

It never finished loading.
Somethings wrong.

[Geeetar4Life]

Danget my bad. I'll fix it when I get home. I'm on the school computer right now so I can't get on Soundclick.

[Geeetar4Life]

Okay, It took my long enough, but I finally got the rough draft up successfully. When I say rough...I mean rough. I think I've already been through all that. But yeah, I havn't changed any of the lyrics yet, but I will once me and my band get around to it. So yeah, check it out on my soundclick page, not the band page.

[looneytunes]

I like it, but I think it could be so much better.
1st your lead-in shouldn't be more than 15 seconds. I noticed on some of your bands songs goes almost 60 seconds before the singing starts. Unless the listener is a guitarist or is all ready a fan, they will not appreciate what you are doing and will lose interest.

I think this song would go over very well with just an acoustic guitar and an acoustic bass or upright. Maybe some drums, but the music should not drown out the vocalist.

Just my thoughts.

[Geeetar4Life]

Thanks for the feedback man :)
It was all great advice and I know exactly what you mean when it comes to the lead in. I'll shorten it along with a lot of other changes to the song.

again, thanks