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hunter60
11-21-2006, 08:55 PM
Well, I don't want to miss out on the fun. Here's the very start of a new piece I'm working on. It's not complete and I wouldn't post the finished one because it'll be too long. I don't want to waste the space or the time of you fine folks. This is the first draft (actually my notes for the story) so ignore grammar and spelling. I'm just too lazy to clean it up tonight. I've got to get in their and practice a little guitar. :)

_________________________________________________________________


Charlie Rojik had a problem. And not a television sitcom sort of problem that can be solved in twenty-two minutes by a smiling, wise-cracking Dad in a mutli-colored sweater with a wise, chin-stroking platitude while tossing the football in the backyard. Nor was it the sort of problem that would wind up with him beaten, bruised and standing in a long line wearing prison orange. Well, not unless things went horribly wrong.

No. Charlie Rojik was in love. Again.

At thirty-three, Charlie had been in love precisely ten times; each time with a beautiful, talented, smart, stylish and fantastically built woman. Every one was perfect. Flawless examples of the thing, that one wonderful thing, that makes life worth living. And each and every one was the wife of another man. And number eleven was the same with one striking difference, thus the problem that faced Charlie that morning as he sat, squat and uninspired, in his little cubicle. Yes, he had indeed fallen in love with the wife of another man. Only this time, she had stepped from the fantasy and smack dab into the middle of his life. She had become real. She had moved from behind the shade of fantasy and flirtation, that little game that he played successfully for years to protect himself, and had taken form. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

She wanted him.

He shook his head and tried to ignore the problem, playing ostrich. ‘If I ignore this, it’ll resolve itself. It always does…’ he thought to himself. It was this coping technique that had served him well throughout his life. He ignored his fathers constant badgering to play football. Eventually his father quit asking. Since he could not decide what to major in college, he ignored the SAT’s and eventually his grades until the decision was made for him and he found himself sitting in a Community College classroom a month after graduating high school. He ignored his high school sweethearts, at first, veiled, and later, blatant, attempts to garner a commitment from him. She too eventually went away, married an orthodontist and now spends her days raising children in an upscale neighborhood. He ignored any thoughts of upward mobility and found himself now somewhat comfortable in this little cubicle, pushing papers from one side of his desk to another. It was a position barely above entry-level but it provided a living wage and for Charlie Rojik, that was good enough.

As he contemplated this, Cheryl sauntered by his cubicle, gave him a long look and a wink. Immediately, Charlie’s problem was back and very real.

It had all been a game; nothing more than a harmless game of flirtation in the office. Nothing serious. But she had come to take his attention seriously. She told him things. Things about her husband, their lives together and how that togetherness was coming apart as they went along. She told him how she had never met a man she could talk to like Charlie. She went as far as to suggest dinners after work and thinly disguised ‘chance’ meetings on the weekends. It had taken on a life of it’s own, this thing he created.

Throwing his attention into a huge, tedious file, Charlie tried to focus and force the day to pass quickly.

It didn’t.


Larry popped onto the stool next to Charlie and motioned for a drink. “What’s with you? You look horrible.”
Charlie smiled weakly. “I’m in trouble.”
“Now what?” The irritation in Larry’s voice was unmistakable. Having been Charlie’s best friend since they were in the third grade, Larry had been there for most of Charlie’s mistakes, miscues and idiotic moves.
“I’m in love.”
Larry took a long pull from his beer and offered “Well call in the National Guard. Oh yeah, I can see where that might make you look like you’re trying to swallow an egg.”
“No man, I’m serious. I think I’m in love.”
“And?”
Charlie rubbed his hands over his scalp, “And nothing.”
“It is a woman right? Or a man. I mean, it is 2006 and all that. Whatever. I mean, it’s not a sofa or a sea bass or something, right?”
“Yes, it’s a woman. A woman in my office. Cheryl. I think you met her last year at the ballgame.”
Larry thought for a moment and said “Naw, I don’t think so. Whatever. So what’s the problem? You really enjoy this woman…I don’t see the downside…oh wait a second. Let me guess, you did it again, didn’t you? You’ve fallen for a married woman and now you don’t know how you’ll live with out her but you can’t have her …blah, blah, blah. Am I right?”
Charlie turned towards Larry. “The problem is that she wants me.”
“Oh for crying out loud. You’re quite the little science project, aren’t you? Tell me, do you have a team of therapists living in your basement or something?”
Charlie motioned for another round. “No. I’ve got you for therapy.”
“Well,” Larry shook his head, “If that’s the case, I am going to start charging you.”

Tonja_Renee
11-21-2006, 09:39 PM
Well that wasn't what I was expecting... and that is just totally not nice of you to tease with a story like that.. and knowing its not finished.. you aren't going to post the finished story.

But I was definately interested...

hunter60
11-21-2006, 09:49 PM
Well that wasn't what I was expecting... and that is just totally not nice of you to tease with a story like that.. and knowing its not finished.. you aren't going to post the finished story.

But I was definately interested...

Sorry.I thought about that after I stuck it up there. I have a tendency to write longer stories and I really didn't want to post something up there that would be maybe twenty or thirty pages long. Not fair to ask people to read that much or take up that much space. Tell you what, if you want, when I finish it, I can email you the finished piece.

Might take a while though. Got a million things going right now.

One question though; did you enjoy what you read?

Tonja_Renee
11-21-2006, 09:59 PM
I did enjoy it...

I definately wanted to read more.

acapella
11-22-2006, 11:50 AM
I'm with Tonja...you got me hooked. I demand more!

earthman buck
11-22-2006, 03:14 PM
I too want more.

Jolly McJollyson
11-24-2006, 02:07 AM
Stylistically it's different from what I prefer, but I REALLY like this outline. You have a nice style; Terry Pratchett and Hunter S. Thompson might ask for it back, though, haha.

I want to see what you do with this, I found it stylistically sound and entertaining to boot.

Jolly McJollyson
12-04-2006, 10:44 AM
Mod, delete suslik's post immediately, and hunter, delete the quote you have of it.

hunter60
12-05-2006, 07:18 AM
Why do these people keep messing with this thread? Just delete the whole thing. I apologize for this but I don't think it's anything in particular about this story, at least I hope not.

Again, sorry. Please delete the thread. Maybe that'll stop them.

earthman buck
12-05-2006, 04:05 PM
Mods, do not delete this thread. It's a good story (beginning). Delete hunter's negativity. :)

acapella
12-05-2006, 04:10 PM
You should turn your bad feelings into a new story or song! That's what we call "sticking it to the man".

Dr_simon
12-05-2006, 06:24 PM
Hunter60 and everyone else, Im really sorry your fine post has been spammed out. We mods try however at the moment it is a lousing battle.

I have notified Jon of this problem and hopefully it will be sorted out in the not too distant future.

hunter60
12-05-2006, 06:54 PM
Thanks Doc. It just seems like they have targeted this particular post. I really don't have a problem having this deleted if you think that'll help. You know, remove the target, eliminate the enemy sort of thinking. :rolleyes:

Dr_simon
12-05-2006, 07:46 PM
No mate, no need this. Im sure this thread was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. If it wasn't this thread it would be another one which would just shunt the problem to another location on the board !

Bar Chord Nick
12-05-2006, 08:34 PM
Ok I missed the drama. Probably better off. I assume one of those porn spam things...Annoying.

Anyway to the main subject here. Not my kind of story but I still continued to read it. I think it's really well written. You truly have the gift for story telling. I expect to see your work in book form someday.

hunter60
12-06-2006, 07:34 AM
Ok I missed the drama. Probably better off. I assume one of those porn spam things...Annoying.

Anyway to the main subject here. Not my kind of story but I still continued to read it. I think it's really well written. You truly have the gift for story telling. I expect to see your work in book form someday.


Thanks for the nice words! I do appreciate it.

Earthman, I hesitate to say this but I think if you delete my negativity, I just might disappear! :)

Accapella, interesting thought about turning it into a story or song. My problem is that I just can't get past the thought that to me, porn spam sounds like an erotic canned meat product.

Hmmm...come to think of it, that could be an interesting song after all. :rolleyes:

Dr_simon
12-06-2006, 01:30 PM
Jon our brave and fearless leader has agreed to re-instate the email verification part of the signup process which should dramatically decrease the amount of spam on the boards.

Sorry for the inconvenience folks, it should get much better very quickly !