Day of the Radioactive Vegetable Dispenser

[CW14]

This is an instrumental I did a few weeks ago. I'm not really happy with it though, because it ended up being a random wankfest. It doesn't really have a theme to it, and it just seems like a collection of licks; it doesn't flow.

Theres lots of crackles and stuff because I was just plugging my guitar into my $#!tty computer's mic jack (lol).

So any feedback and suggestions you could give me would be greatly appreciated.

Its on PureVolume, and the name wouldn't fit, so its called "Day of the Radioactive Fish-Parsnip Di"
CLICK HERE FOR THE VEGETABLENESS (http://www.purevolume.com/therottenguitarstring/home)

[Jolly McJollyson]

Theres lots of crackles and stuff because I was just plugging my guitar into my $#!tty computer's mic jack (lol).
AAAAAAAA! Haha, that's a yucky buzz in the background! Some of those licks were pretty awesome, man. I guess just work on something that flows better, because some of those licks, were like damn! (oooh, and that one sweep around 2:10 or so was wicked fast)

[CW14]

That sweep was a fluke lol! I normally can't do them.

Do you agree that it didn't really flow, or is it just me? If you do, which parts did/didn't? And which parts would you change?

[R. Shackleferd]

Yep it has its moments, but admitedly it needs work. I kinda got lost on the ending. Perhaps some silence here or there, you know like a quickstop or something. You know what I mean?...how Rush, Metallica, and Pantera (among others) would suddenly throw in abrupt rests or lil subtleties of time? But again, good playing and just needs some polishing touches.

[CW14]

Ok thanks.

Any other opinions?

[Jolly McJollyson]

Try to develop a melodic theme in the solo, and then develop a counter-theme later on.

[CW14]

What is meant by melodic theme? :o