Guitar Tricks - Depression...

paradyme

02-01-2005, 06:48 PM

Hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere today.Its genetic,not circumstantial....everything is actually ok in my life...my body just lacks certain chemical qualitys(at least thats what science has shown thus far).

Actually...no,things are not good in my life.I barley leave the house,I'm a mess physically(to my mind anyway),I have ZERO friends,no g.e.d,live month to month on SSI.I'm a LOSER to put it simply...ive been a loser my whole life.I'll be 20 in april with NOTHING accomplished...absolutley nothing.

I'm also really tempted to pick smoking back up again...I coped much better with nicotine a year ago.

Hey man, for what it's worth, you aren't a loser. You may not yet have accomplished the things in life that you might feel you need to, but you aren't worthless. No one is. You're a historically signular entity- there's never been anyone precisely like you up to this point in history, and there will never be another, so on that basis, I would never consider someone to be a loser.

I can't pretend to understand how you feel directly, since I've never experienced long-term bouts of depression, but I will say this: no matter what your circumstances in life are, if someone tries to look down on you for any reason, they are wrong to do so. No one deserves to be judged by anyone else, and if someone tells you otherwise, I for one respectfully beg to differ with them. As another human being on this planet of ours, you have basic human dignity that should always be respected, and no matter what this superficial and materialistic culture tells you, you are not a loser.

I dunno, for me, sometimes the answer lies in picking up my guitar, smoking way too many cigarettes and letting it out. No matter how it sounds, I just let it out.

For something this serious, I always encourage professional help, and that doesn't make you weak or bad or whatever, it means that you understand that there are things in life that require the help of others to get past. I just hope you feel better.

peace

3rd_degreeburn

02-01-2005, 06:49 PM

You should go to the gym and workout some..When you do your body will produce endorphins.
Because im lazy and I dont feel like typing out all the things about endorphins..I found this about them on a website
"Because they are naturally produced by the body, endorphins are possibly the best (and most legal way) to achieve a natural high. Chemically speaking, endorphins are polypeptides, which able to bind to the neuro-receptors in the brain to give relief from pain. " http://www.healingsprings.com/ENDORPHINS.htm

that could help to your depression problem...you should go and see a doctor...they have pills that supposedly balance out the unbalanced chemicals in your brain

joshers

02-01-2005, 07:09 PM

everyone deals with depression, to the degree and extent is purely dependent on yourself. can't really gauge your depression to the next person, same thing to happiness. only advice, ride it out, find something you like, do things that you like. everyone has up and downs, so you'll finally get out of your slump sooner or later, time and yourself will only tell.

it always helps to talk it out and advice will always be there to follow you, its your choice if you want to follow it or not.

chucklivesoninmyheart

02-01-2005, 07:13 PM

Lordathestrings

02-01-2005, 08:51 PM

I'm on zoloft and klonopin and see a psycyatrist regularly....

last time I went to a gym I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life(yeah,I'm slapped with anxiety/panic disorder too)...I don't leave the house very often.Unless I have to go out,I'm always inside.I know thats unhealthy...havn't figured a way around it.Try to find some kind of low-impact, preferably outdoor physical activity. I'd recommend cross-country skiing, but Tampa just doesn't get enough snow. It helps to get something going that allows you to 'zone out' in a way that lets your grim attitude fade away. The main thing is to get out of the house!!!

Something one of my doctors (there have been many over the years) explained to me is that even the best medication and therapy can only help to keep you centered - you still have to do the work involved in making those social connections and 'getting a life'.

hmm... advice from the guy with over 3000 posts... :o

chucklivesoninmyheart

02-01-2005, 09:12 PM

I really should find some good support(friends) around here...tough to do so when you never leave the house so,yeah thats my biggest problem.

And I really don't have time for this kind of crap...need to get going in life.I'm missing out on alot...

Thanks for all the advice...I think that 'wave' is gone.

paradyme

02-01-2005, 09:31 PM

hmm... advice from the guy with over 3000 posts... :o

THAT was a moment of total genius!
:)

Excellent!

3rd_degreeburn

02-01-2005, 09:50 PM

you could always try martial arts ( not tai kwando or american karate)..its a physical activity, fun and you can make friends there...after awhile the ppl become like family to you..atleast to me they are...thats jsut another suggestion

iiholly

02-01-2005, 11:39 PM

dance! :)

Kutzki

02-02-2005, 12:17 AM

first off
my bro takes a buncha pills cus he is missen chemicals same with my dad
they walk around high all day so if you can get that stuff that would make you feel much better :p anyways
i have no social life either i go to a private school. it ant mixed
you arent supposed to fratrinize with women unless you plan on marrying them (and since my school is a highschool there will be none of that hehe)
so this will help you have a perspective of how bad others got it ok
i start my day at 6 45 AM on a bus thats not heated in Canada and i walk to my stop which is about 10 minutes away and its cold in the mornings k
we will even skip the day itself ok
i get home at 8 45 PM and walk home
if you do the math minus even the walks i am away at school for 14 hours AND my class is 9 people
and if you want me to describe my class o it gets worse
so hey at least you ant me!!!

dude i get all depressed all the time and i probably should take the pills my dad and bro take, and wen i get depressed i feel the same way, so just know whenever you are depressed
that, one, you ant alone cus you got ppl who have gone through it and have faith that you will make it through also(like me! i belive in you dude!)
And ,two, it always could be worse
you could be me....
seriously my life is pretty bad but my whole 'thing' is to sorta flip the coin and try the other side
o and wen it fails(the flipside that is) i hit the ground hard so hehe whatever man
sorry to hear about your depressen and remember my two easy tips to help ya out
1. we are all there for you dude!
2. you dont suck as much as me! and other worse-off people
its all good man :cool:
rock on! just get back up and ROCK ON!!!

Akira

02-02-2005, 05:11 AM

Hey man, for what it's worth, you aren't a loser. You may not yet have accomplished the things in life that you might feel you need to, but you aren't worthless. No one is. You're a historically signular entity- there's never been anyone precisely like you up to this point in history, and there will never be another, so on that basis, I would never consider someone to be a loser.

I can't pretend to understand how you feel directly, since I've never experienced long-term bouts of depression, but I will say this: no matter what your circumstances in life are, if someone tries to look down on you for any reason, they are wrong to do so. No one deserves to be judged by anyone else, and if someone tells you otherwise, I for one respectfully beg to differ with them. As another human being on this planet of ours, you have basic human dignity that should always be respected, and no matter what this superficial and materialistic culture tells you, you are not a loser.

I dunno, for me, sometimes the answer lies in picking up my guitar, smoking way too many cigarettes and letting it out. No matter how it sounds, I just let it out.

For something this serious, I always encourage professional help, and that doesn't make you weak or bad or whatever, it means that you understand that there are things in life that require the help of others to get past. I just hope you feel better.

peace

That was great, seriously, it even helped me see things in a different light. :)

PRSplaya

02-02-2005, 09:05 AM

I went through a serious bout of depression for about 4 years, and have just recently came out of it this past year. One thing to remember is that no matter how many drugs you take(legal) things are alway's going to go down hill at some point. Thats just life unfortunately. I've been off medication for about a year now and still have some pretty bad moment, but I've come to terms with the fact that that's going to happen, and try to find things to keep myself occupied. Having understanding friends also helps out a lot. If it weren't for them, I probably would have pulled the that trigger or jumped off that cliff. It's a scarry feeling when you have a gun to your head with finger on the trigger, and suddenly come to your senses. I also have anxiety dissorder, though I'm working on that. Joining my band has helped me be better at the whole being around people thing, because it's not like I could hide in a room off stage and play while the rest of the band is up there having all the fun. Remember, we're (GT community) alway's going to be here for you, and you can e-mail me anytime you want or need to talk about anything, and though hard to believe sometimes, God will never throw anything at you that you can't handle. ;)

Dr_simon

02-02-2005, 09:11 AM

CHuck, check your PM dude !

Lori_B

02-02-2005, 10:27 AM

I am not sure what to say but I want you to know I relate. I also suffer from panic attacks and bouts of major depression. In fact I had a panic attack the other day that nearly lasted all day, I just kept getting waves of them... The people in my life all try to be supportive but I don't think they really understand. Most people are in the mindset of "well what made you feel bad or what are you paniced about".... It's not like that, it just is with no rhyme or reasonings ... you just get some overload of chemicals in your system and whamo...
I don't know what the answer is for you but some of the things that have helped me are: Being outside, especially around moving water, prayer (not going to preach here but when I feel nobody else understands, God will), Physical activity (I know you don't feel like getting up to even go to the bathroom sometimes but you gotta get up and move to release some of those good chemicals), watch your diet (sometimes not having a steady blood sugar level will cause havoc) and stick to as normal of a sleeping pattern as possible.... also, take your meds but keep in mind that is only part of the solution it's up to us to rebuild our lives when in "remission"...

*Big Hug*

Oh, write some music... sometimes depression makes for some killer lyrics

Lordathestrings

02-02-2005, 10:49 AM

.... also, take your meds but keep in mind that is only part of the solution it's up to us to rebuild our lives when in "remission"...

*Big Hug*

Oh, write some music... sometimes depression makes for some killer lyricsNailed it in one!

I suspect there's a link between being an artistic type and susceptibility to depression. You can learn to turn that sullen intensity of emotion into a positive form of expression. The old lemons into lemonade thing.

Lori_B

02-02-2005, 10:59 AM

I suspect there's a link between being an artistic type and susceptibility to depression.

Either that or being that we are the "expressive" type we just let everyone know about it... I can't say I have ran across too many depressed mathmaticians tho.

HDJ

02-02-2005, 12:53 PM

I suffer from mild depression and Generalized Anxiety disorder, been taking Lexapro for about a year and a half, and Xanax for panic attacks when I need it, which is about every day. Dude, it'll get better although it seems like it won't right now. I've never gone into a deep depression, so I can't comment on that, but I would have if I hadn't seen a doctor about it and started treatment when I first realized what was going on. I have more anxiety problems than depression, I would lay in bed at night and couldn't go to sleep, then thought's would start running around in my head, and there were many times I thought I was having a heart attack b/c of the thought's and constant worrying....

Just take it one day at a time, it'll get better.

PRSplaya

02-02-2005, 01:23 PM

been taking Lexapro for about a year and a half.

Lexapro made me feel 1000 times worse. I went through 5 different meds, and never found one that really worked very well. Paxil worked the best, but I had trouble staying awake during the day while on it :( . Now I'm trying to cope without meds, which is, and will probalby alway's be, a work in progress. One day/one thing at a time.

DagenhamGeoff

02-02-2005, 02:36 PM

Hey mate just wanted to throw my 2 cents in, for what it`s worth.
I`ve suffered from severe depression for the last 12 years, brought on by kidney failure, also suffer with panic attacks, I`m fortunate enough to have a wonderfuuly understanding wife and 3 very beautiful kids, but sadly I`m not able to be a "real" dad, ie Pizzahut dinners, walks in the park even shopping, all these things are a no go for me, I`m lucky if i get out of the house once a fortnight.....and that`s period, it`s not something that comes and goes.
The guy who mentioned exercise or gym is soooooo right, you are, if only for a while, lifted out of the depression and feel "normal" again, another thing you might wanna try is meditation, stop fekking laughing lol, it does work.
All you gotta do man is find the things that make you happy and build on them, if you can discover the "trigger" to your depression then ya half way there.

Good luck man and think positive.

chucklivesoninmyheart

02-02-2005, 06:05 PM

Thanks doc,and everyone for all the support.The bout is gone and I feel a bit better. :)

I'm surprised so many others have acute panic attacks and general anxiety.I also have Xanax for attacks that slip thru my 'klonopin and Zoloft' barrier

Panic attacks can be triggered by receptive senses and sudden awareness(certain smells and realizing your heart is beating fast e.c.t)
Your mind and body kicks into the 'fight or flight' syndrome which is meant for survival(if your being attacked by a bear or something),but when your just relaxing on the couch,it gets bad.

When its triggerd,your adrenal glands dump their load.Blood is rushed to your vital organs and muscles which causes tingling in your extremities.Lost perception of time(things go franticly fast but feel like forever).Faint feeling,tingling and racing heart beat are often mistaken as a heart attack or stroke.Feeling of imminent death are common.No one has EVER died from a panic attack(something I had to assure myself many times).

I was having roughly 10 full blown panic attacks daily till I got medication.Generalized anxiety is an even bigger struggle because meds will only do so much...you have to expose yourself to the enviroment you fear gradually,so it can be difficult.

paradyme

02-02-2005, 06:06 PM

Nailed it in one!

I suspect there's a link between being an artistic type and susceptibility to depression. You can learn to turn that sullen intensity of emotion into a positive form of expression. The old lemons into lemonade thing.

I think you guys both are exactly on point- it's a way to take a bad situation but use it to fuel the creative fire. I would say (and I don't want to get too into psychological archetypes here, but...) that there is a particular personality type that is artistic and is prone to being more emotive and which can be susceptable (did I spell that right?! I can never spell that word!) to depression. If we ran a myers-briggs personality survey of the users here, i'd bet we'd see some interesting and predictable results. I'll spare everyone the psychobabble - I'm not even qualified to babble in psychological terms! ;)

HDJ

02-02-2005, 06:08 PM

Lexapro made me feel 1000 times worse. I went through 5 different meds, and never found one that really worked very well. Paxil worked the best, but I had trouble staying awake during the day while on it

I've heard that from other people I know that took Lexapro before. It's also been reported that Lexapro can lead to suicide. It helped me though, a lot of people started calling me LexaJoe after I started taking it b/c it did so many good things for me. I guess I was lucky in that the first one prescribed to me worked. I've heard bad things about Paxil also, a friend of mine takes it and he can't get off of it, even by tapering off of it.

chucklivesoninmyheart

02-02-2005, 06:11 PM

Also,dagen,your a real dad.My fathers health declined rapidly after I was born,but he still raised me to the best of his ability...I love him extremley.

PonyOne

02-03-2005, 12:04 AM

chuck,

first of all, don't worry about being a failure for the rest of your life... you're 20 years old; you've only lived out a quarter of your life. i don't know why you're on SSI or anything, but you've got plenty of time to right all the things you don't think are right. i don't know you personally but i'm sure you're an awesome musician and you come up with some amazing ideas artistically, whether you realize it or not, and that's more than the vast bulk of humanity can say.

i have a family history of depression. my mom has been on damn near every pill for depression you can be on. i was institutionalized briefly when I was 14, and was on medication for a few years. part of the reason i have such a dark sense of humor, i suppose, is based in my depression and outwardly i can seem like a very dark person, but... i don't know, i try to let that be the only way my depression manifests itself.

the main thing i can suggest is look at the things that are causing you to be depressed, whether they're physical, situational, or whatever, and do what you can to distance yourself from those things as much as possible. i'm very proud that i ended up overcoming a lot of the difficulties i had all by myself but i almost died in the process, which is an issue better not discussed here; if i felt like i needed help, i know that there is no shame in getting it.

sorry, i know this is probably the same stuff you've heard a billion times before, but... i'm not really sure how else to say it.

PonyOne

02-03-2005, 12:34 AM

another though on your inability to leave the house... when i was younger (early teens) and moved to Boston I went through the same thing. i had so many ugly things happen in Washington that i found it terrifying to leave the apartment, and would more or less go to school (which was right across the street) and then come home and stay home all day and night. I had no interest in having anything to do with other people becuase the spectre of facing other human beings, who lied and bragged and inflicted pain and walked around in this haze of stupidity just terrified and revolted me.

after a certain point, if memory calls correct i was listening to OK Computer at the time, i somehow just saw myself in an entriely objective manner; i saw what i was doing, what i had done, what i was doing to myself. i was basically aiding along my depression; it was like a black hole, infinitely huge, feeding off its own mass and the mass around it and making itself bigger and more dense every second. that depression made itself the center of my universe and i was basically in its orbit; i was at its mercy, i was letting it hurl me around and i didn't care.

i got up and threw on my trench coat and boots and i went for a walk. it was snowing out, and Boston is really pretty in the snow; plus, it was around 10.00 at night, and Boston is pretty much deserted at that point. I had headphones on, and brough a couple mix tapes; I just walked and walked for hours. I felt like I was a peeping tom to society, like I was just watching other people as they drove home, as I walked silently by bars and restaurants and saw people inside. it fascinated me. i would write about it, puzzling over what got people there, and before too long, inadvertantly, i became enamored with life, in all its unjust, disgusting details.

i did end up hosptialized for awhile, and i don't really like talking about the circumstances... but... i remember looking out this window in my room... it had a metal grate on the inside and outside in addition to having wire in the glass so there was absolutely positively no way you could jump out... and i just sat there staring outside, at the city, and i had the song "third eye" by Tool going through my mind. it seemed like the song was there at the right moment, and though i'd passively listened to it i'd never anazlyzed the words, and the more i thought the more it seemed to make sense until i was just thinking on my own. i was the center of my own universe. i was infinitely dense and infinitely possible. i could take that black void and i could crush it like it wasn't there; i could collapse it upon itself and throw it to nothingness.

it's ironic how things work out... although i'd taken an interest in sociology i viewed it mostly as an outsider until high school; not long before i dropped out (and by the way, the GED is the most un-be-freakin-lievabley easy thing ever!!!) i started trying to make my presence known as a human being. after i left, i started getting more and more into music; i wanted to learn to play guitar, and that's why i started working... i needed the cash to buy a guitar. so I saved up and got my SG. i went from being unable to be around other human beings to working in service because i felt this overwhelming need and urge to play music to express myself and it worknig with other people was the only way i could go about it.

and as time has progressed i went from pizza shop to art supply store to bookstore to ice cream parlor to bakery to restaurant to bellman to car salesman, and whereas i used to literally never pick up the phone, i now have a job where it's integral.

depression is a disease, and diseases don't exist without hosts. what makes it so that you have it and others don't? who the **** knows, but chances are, IMHO, that you probably have a fairly acute sense of what's going on around you, and that's probably what makes it so hard for you to reconcile other people and the world around you; it really isn't you at all, it's more the world you live in. A disease can be fought and won, but it's not always an easy process. the difference between depression and having a bad week is that the latter is like a cold whereas the former is like a cancer; it's hard to get rid of. but it can be done.

to be honest i still feel that darkness inside me; in my mind's eye i can see it very clearly. but i choose to control it rather than allow it to consume me. Kind of like a line in one of my favorite movies, Donnie Darko: If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law, there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories. If this world were to end, there would only be you... and him... and no one else.

Nothing is right until I allow it to be. Nothing is possible until I allow it to be. And when I allow it to be right and allow it to be possible... I am unstoppable.

Akira

02-03-2005, 02:49 AM

that you probably have a fairly acute sense of what's going on around you, and that's probably what makes it so hard for you to reconcile other people and the world around you; it really isn't you at all, it's more the world you live in.

So true. I believe these sorts of "conditions" are caused more by society than the humans psychological status. I get really angry at how people lead their lives in an almost robotic way, and then have the nerve to judge others in the process just because they don't want to be a cog in the machine. You don't really have any sort of "condition", it's just others judging you because you are more aware of what's going on around you than others. Use it to your advantage. You have the chance to stand up to things in the world that other people can't because they've been eaten up by the SIA (state ideological apparatus).

I'll stop, before I get angry and write a huge essay on society. All the best man, remember, it isn't you at all, it's just people placing names on you because you are different, you are more aware, more alive.

Lori_B

02-03-2005, 11:43 AM

I wanted to reply with a quote from Ponyone's post but couldn't decide which part as it all seems to apply and I relate all too well...

I too have went through VERY similar experiences in my life... I will admit that I spent once nearly 5 years holding the couch down because of depression and not wanting to leave my house. I just couldn't bring myself to be a part of what I saw out there... and honestly I can't really tell you what exactly I saw in the world but something was just not right and I didn't belong there. People all seemed plastic and unfeeling. I remember calling everyone "surface dwellers"... I wrote a poem of sorts during that time a few of the lines went something like this:

Moving through time neither slow of fast
Where am I, the future or past?
Truthful seeming lies hide behind their eyes
etc, etc....

Anyways, I too got to a point where I realized that I was feeding my disease. Each day I spent on that couch was one less day I had lived. I eventually ventured out and I'd like to say that my music inspired me to do it but actually it was my camera. I started taking photos out in nature. Looking at life through a lens of a camera made me really "LOOK" at the world differently, it's like it forced me to look for beauty rather than the ugliness I surrounded myself with and only saw before...

Also, the point that was made about being "acutely sensitive..." I really believe there is something to that. I read a book not so long ago called "The Highly Sensitive Person", by Elaine Aaron. In this book it speaks about how there are two types of people. The highly sensitive people were born with an acute awareness and sensitivity because they were meant to be the teachers, artists, philosophers etc. and also how those types of people get overwhelmed and overloaded by their senses (thus, depression, anxiety etc.)... You might want to check that out, it's pretty interesting.

Blizzard_UK

02-03-2005, 12:53 PM

I've just got to say that this was one hell of a moving read, I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat as I read every word.
The way you guys just came from everywhere to help, just amazing. I only joined today and I'm glad I found you all.

I'm not going to try and add much here, just say that you kind folk have reminded me of the journey that my life has taken, the ups and downs that life chucked at me seemed impossible to deal with when I was younger to the point where at 19 years old I did something stupid, and I even failed at that too. Yet, here I am now 48 years old reading about you suffering the same **** that I did. So, trust me, you will come out of it stronger as you get older, or more to the point you learn to deal with it easier. Just hang in there it will get better.

When I were a lad, Dyslexia was unheard of and was the start of my problems, now I use a spell checker. ;)
And what cruel bastard called it Dyslexia? try spelling that when you're filling out forms. :)

Thank you all.

Hammurabi

02-03-2005, 12:54 PM

i got up and threw on my trench coat and boots and i went for a walk. it was snowing out, and Boston is really pretty in the snow; plus, it was around 10.00 at night, and Boston is pretty much deserted at that point. I had headphones on, and brough a couple mix tapes; I just walked and walked for hours. I felt like I was a peeping tom to society, like I was just watching other people as they drove home, as I walked silently by bars and restaurants and saw people inside. it fascinated me. i would write about it, puzzling over what got people there, and before too long, inadvertantly, i became enamored with life, in all its unjust, disgusting details.

Are you by any chance related to Chuck Palahniuk?

I used to have severe depression to the point where my idea of comedy was putting about three dozen slits across my right fingertips with a utility knife.

With how many depressed guitarists there are one would think the blues would make a big comeback.

Lordathestrings

02-04-2005, 12:06 AM

... With how many depressed guitarists there are one would think the blues would make a big comeback.Well, yeah, The Blues is where I live now, but ya gotta see that it ain't all angst and bitterness. The Blues is about a realistic approach to life. Where pop music says **** like "I love my lady and I know we're gonna be happy together forever!", The Blues says things like "I don't really know how long we've got, but right now, it's real good". Blues is about feeling, and expressing those feelings in as real and honest a way as possible.

And when somebody does ya dirty, but you don't care cause you know they're gonna get the same back from somebody somewhere;

or you just stumbled onto a good thing and you were able to recognise it quick enough to hold onto it;

or you just had this flash outa nowhere that showed you the joy that friendships bring into your life;

then The Blues is there to help you express it.

I can play metal that just peels the paint off the walls, because it's about anger, and savagery, power without civility, fear, loathing, and evil run amok.
And I don't wanna live there.

I can play jazz that's got enough bop to make you start dancin' while you're still in your chair, and stuff that fairly drips sophistication,
but that only covers a small part of the spectrum.

The Blues is life, in all it's squalid glory.

Hammurabi

02-04-2005, 12:57 AM

I can play metal that just peels the paint off the walls...I can play jazz that's got enough bop to make you start dancin' while you're still in your chair, and stuff that fairly drips sophistication...

Got any cds I can buy?

Jolly McJollyson

02-04-2005, 01:09 AM

Got any cds I can buy?
HA! Ditto.

Lordathestrings

02-04-2005, 01:10 AM

There's a stack of C-60 'basement tapes' accumulating from the jams I do with a local band two or three times a month. I doubt they'll ever be released. I haven't played for pay since I got kicked out of the American Federation of Musicians in 1971 (for non-payment of dues). Anymore, my music isn't about other people hearing me wail. I play because I have to.

PonyOne

02-04-2005, 02:29 AM

I've just got to say that this was one hell of a moving read, I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat as I read every word.
The way you guys just came from everywhere to help, just amazing. I only joined today and I'm glad I found you all.

<snip>

When I were a lad, Dyslexia was unheard of and was the start of my problems, now I use a spell checker. ;)
And what cruel bastard called it Dyslexia? try spelling that when you're filling out forms. :)

Thank you all.
Hey, that's what we do around here... this forum definitely is a community.

Are you by any chance related to Chuck Palahniuk?

I used to have severe depression to the point where my idea of comedy was putting about three dozen slits across my right fingertips with a utility knife.

With how many depressed guitarists there are one would think the blues would make a big comeback.
no, i'm not... why, did he have a similar experience to me or something? i've read his books and appreciate his work.

i remember i used to take a knife and gently drag it across my hands and arms and face and tongue just to show people i didn't care. it seemed to work quite a bit as no one wanted to mess with a guy who had nothing against running a razor across his tongue and then laughing and putting salt on it for good measure. didn't earn me many friends though.

Also, the point that was made about being "acutely sensitive..." I really believe there is something to that. I read a book not so long ago called "The Highly Sensitive Person", by Elaine Aaron. In this book it speaks about how there are two types of people. The highly sensitive people were born with an acute awareness and sensitivity because they were meant to be the teachers, artists, philosophers etc. and also how those types of people get overwhelmed and overloaded by their senses (thus, depression, anxiety etc.)... You might want to check that out, it's pretty interesting.
i haven't read that book before though i saw it when i worked at Barnes & Noble. I'll check it out on my way home tomorrow.

another great book that sounds like it may be similar in some fashion is "Man's Search For Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor. Excellent read.

Hammurabi

02-04-2005, 03:28 AM

no, i'm not... why, did he have a similar experience to me or something?

Pretty similar, yeah.

Sclorch

02-08-2005, 03:06 AM

Seriously meditation works wonders, especially for the problems your describing. Google buddhist meditation, I would presonally not take any meds, from personal experience and nasty side effects (kiss your sex life goodbye!) Studies have even shown that placebos work better than SSRI's anyway. I think ADP's only mask the problem. This is only my opinion but I think the longer you feel depressed the more conditioned your brain becomes. The brain builds upon patterns most commonly used. You need to build upon the positive ones. Like a trees roots can only grow if they get the energy that they need. The brain stops producing pleasure chemicals when theres no reason to be happy, ie if you sit at home all day never going outside (been there done that) sort of a downward spiral. Life is really all about perception, you can let it break you down or you can make it toughen you up.

Medititation is great for anxiety problems, even after one sitting. If you can focus all of your energy and attention on one simple thing, such as your breathing, your mind will declutter and sort itself out, after awhile you'll be a very calm and collected guy. Excercise is really helpful too, and so is sunshine, your brain needs sunlight for serotonin in the first place. Eat healthy, no fast food or soda and no smoking. You'll feel great in no time!

Good luck!!! :)

spanky10940

02-13-2005, 12:18 AM

Wow..this is absolutely awesome.. I'm on a few boards and this has got to be the most support I've ever seen! You people really are awesome and I'm now realizing just how much I do enjoy the board and the regular posters on here.

Chuck, Keep your head up bro. In Sept of 2003 my wife and I lost a child a day after she was born. Claire Louise Jewell lived from Sept 29th 2003 to Sept 30th. I never thought I'd be right again after everything else I'd been through with my wife. (I'd give you the whole story but I don't want to steal pony one's thunder ;) ) It took me almost 6 months of my hour long drive into work to not cry the whole way. But after time, and understanding.. it slowly got better. This may not be the best example because of the severity of why I was depressed but the end result was depression so, this may help...

at any rate. Believe me, things can and do get better. There is a saying by Charles Swindoll that goes something similar to
"life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how we react to it"
believe me when I tell you, that's the truest statement i've ever heard. Sometimes things are as we choose to have them.

Lastly, as people were saying with the exercise, you may want to check out a book called "eating for your blood type"
You may think it's BS, but your blood type can also be a determining factor in how your moods and energy are in relation to what you've eaten throught the day. I'm an O+ so I need to move around to get energy. If I sit on my fat ass and do nothing, then I'll feel like doing nothing. The hardest part is getting started. When you feel like you're too angry to deal or have too much pent up anxiety, get a heavy bag or some weights and work it out that way. Trust me when I'm telling you, you'll feel 120% better when you've given your all to get that energy out. I've been there.

good luck dude and keep your chin up. Things can get worse, if you choose for them to be that way.

Moniek

02-13-2005, 05:44 AM

Hey man, for what it's worth, you aren't a loser. You may not yet have accomplished the things in life that you might feel you need to, but you aren't worthless. No one is. You're a historically signular entity- there's never been anyone precisely like you up to this point in history, and there will never be another, so on that basis, I would never consider someone to be a loser.

I can't pretend to understand how you feel directly, since I've never experienced long-term bouts of depression, but I will say this: no matter what your circumstances in life are, if someone tries to look down on you for any reason, they are wrong to do so. No one deserves to be judged by anyone else, and if someone tells you otherwise, I for one respectfully beg to differ with them. As another human being on this planet of ours, you have basic human dignity that should always be respected, and no matter what this superficial and materialistic culture tells you, you are not a loser.

I dunno, for me, sometimes the answer lies in picking up my guitar, smoking way too many cigarettes and letting it out. No matter how it sounds, I just let it out.

For something this serious, I always encourage professional help, and that doesn't make you weak or bad or whatever, it means that you understand that there are things in life that require the help of others to get past. I just hope you feel better.

peace

I realy agree with Paradyme...Nobody is a loser...Try to get profesional help, Think about the good things of life..
Moniek

kristafer

02-13-2005, 06:32 AM

hi guys hey chuck seems your not alone mate,its good to know there are people who dont know you ,yet open there hearts on there personal experiences to help out a fellow carbon based lifeform .ive been there too not so long ago did something silly with a piece of rope wifey saved me and even though my life isnt exactly how i want it i have LIFE. and where theres life theres hope .got three kids i think now the mess i would have left behind if i had succeeded.talking helps .stay with it!

Rolf G Riley

02-13-2005, 12:18 PM

At age twenty you are still young. The world is still there for the taking. If you are genuinely suicidal get some help, either professional or even just telling people can help. Its' no crime to feel that way, trust me I have been there. Beware the meds, they can help but man can some of them suck when you come down off them, especially Paxil or effexor. Counselling may help, do not be embarrassed about seeking it. One in four adults experience some kind of mental illness/depressive illness in their lives. In my case it was/is reactional (caused by a specific event), it can be inherited as well. Whatever the deal you should realise you are not alone, there is hope and the world is a better place with you in it. You might want to simply take one small step at a time towards something positive, no matter how small. Be careful how you speak to yourself in your head...Negative thoughts will eat you up, and they feed off you, it's a never ending cycle. Try to keep positive...don't think about the past or tomorrow..just "stay in the day" & try to learn to teach yourself to accept things, even though you don't like them.
Who the fcuk made you think you have to achieve so much so young anyway? You should set your own MODEST aims, be honest with yourself, and do what makes you happy, not what you let society impose on you.
Nobody is perfect, and trying to be perfect at things will mostly lead to disappointment. Try to say to yourself that you can accept not being perfect at things...it's ok.

Other stuff than can help is exercise. I read that when Steve Vai was a teenager he was a serious depressive recluse type...then he decided to get fit...that in turn sorted out his head and his playing etc..

If some of this isn't applicable to you I apologise (i have no idea who you are except from your post) ..but much of what you said struck a chord with me & what i just typed helped me a bit. Hang on in there, keep the faith.

P.s.
Keep posting, keep venting..get it out of you. :)

"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” Gospel of St. Thomas

tercarro

01-02-2007, 12:39 PM

Depression.It f**** sucks.I just want to frigin die today...erghhh.It would feel so good to just destroy everything in my life right now...everything...just smash everything I own to pieces then grieve over it all... :(

Its days like these I wish my creator was incarnate so I could give him pain in equal parts of what I feel.......

Anyone have depression?

There are many thoughts about depression, saddness, grief and or we could call it self pity. How you "feel", is a physical thing, how you "think", is an emotional thing, are they connected, they coculd be. Being physically unwell can have an enormous effect on your affect. Being down emotionally can have an effect on your physiology. What came first, being emotionally down or physically may give you some answers to your question.
My thoughts and suggestions if they will help are. Write down all physical feelings you have, like being tired, hungry, not hungry, thirsty, bloated, tense, irritable in physical pain ie: chest pain, bowel pain, joint pain what ever it is you feel.
Make a list of your emotional problems, ie, life seems dull, your impatient, your mind works over time, what ever it is on your mind, saddness or crying.

When you have a list of everything you feel, both emotional and physical, keep them separate so that you can monitor them and reflect on them.

Now make a list of everything you eat and drink and I mean everything from Milk to coffee, from tinned soup to cabbage, cheese, or cheese spread, cookies to coke, candies to toast (white, brown, wholemeal), sugar in coffee, sugar on cakes.
If you eat lots of packet or processed foods, write them down and keep them separate from the fresh or frozen food list you make.

When you have your list send me a copy and I'll give you the next steps to find out if it's you, your gene's or your food.

What I will be asking you to so is to write a list of all the physical ills you have from a constant itch to bone pain, chest pain, headaches what ever.
Then I want to see your list of emotional pain or discomfort, so that you can monitor whether those things disappear after I have sorted out your diet which you will need to address in one form or another.
From the list of foods you send me I will suggest that you stop eating some of those foods for a while so that you can monitor whether how you feel changes either marginally or toatlly. I will also suggest at some stage that you try a treatment which I tried and I can tell you that it wasn't painful, costly or difficult but it made so much difference in my life that I now know what effects me and what is to blame.

If all this sounds like too much to do that may be because your not healthy. If this sounds like too much to do because it sounds like bull ****, then you may just miss out on a possible solution because it sounds like bull ****. IF your intelligent you may know that the answer to problems is always a simple one in the end. What makes it difficult at the beginning is that until we know the answer there does not appear to be a solution, but there is. If you follow my advice you will find an answer and you will feel not only physically better but emotionally better too, no more morbidness or thoughts of finding a quick way out.

My advice if you take it will also show you that you can be in charge of how you feel and that it's not your genes but your diet. We are what we eat.
Each culture dies of a particular disease, ie they are prone to one disease more than another culture. For instance, the Inuit in Northern Canada never die of heart disease or cancer because of their diet. People in China do not on thw whole die of the same disease as people in North America, though that is changing because of improvements in transport which now provides everyone with access to relatively the same processed foods. Genes and available foods are predictors of our health. What is commonly eaten in one culture will have an effect on not only there physical health but also on their mental health. With cultures inter breeding over the centuries, many of those diseases which would not normally effect you now effect you because genes are being shared and with that ones propensity to disease is crossing cultural and genetic barriers that once didn't exist because we as people lived in our own little world. Befor white people were in North America people of the first nations never got colds, now they suffer from all the disease that white people suffer because they now consume the same diet.
If that doesn't convince you that your problems may be more than a morbid personality then ignore this message and keep searching. If your interested, then send me your lists and I'll take you through it and I know you will find relief if you follow my lead.
Best wishes
TC

40ftsmurf

01-02-2007, 06:57 PM

Chuck, I've started this response several times now and haven't been able to find the right words to say. You're not alone in this. I've felt the same. But I stuck it out and things do get better. I'm telling you they do.
From the responses that I have seen to your post, I believe you have a lot more friends than you ever imagined. Your'e not alone. Hang in there and write back later on to let us know how your'e doing.

From one guitar player to another, Bryan

hunter60

01-02-2007, 07:25 PM

Hang tough man. I've been there more times than I care to think about. 40ft's right. It will get better. You have to believe it and move towards the positive things in your life. I know that sounds easier than it really is but it's worth it, even when those positive things are hard to find.

Keep looking.

Also, I don't know if you're a big reader or not but I would recommend 'The Noonday Demon' as the best book I've ever read on depression. It really helped me a lot.

Let us know how you're doing.

Krunek

01-03-2007, 06:04 AM

Hit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere today.Its genetic,not circumstantial....everything is actually ok in my life...my body just lacks certain chemical qualitys(at least thats what science has shown thus far).

Actually...no,things are not good in my life.I barley leave the house,I'm a mess physically(to my mind anyway),I have ZERO friends,no g.e.d,live month to month on SSI.I'm a LOSER to put it simply...ive been a loser my whole life.I'll be 20 in april with NOTHING accomplished...absolutley nothing.

I'm also really tempted to pick smoking back up again...I coped much better with nicotine a year ago.

I just saw this thread...Hmmmmm...well, you are a loser, I will tell you that...
20, and acomplished nothing?Bah.I am 27, soon to be 28, and I already have two nice Ibanez guitars in my possesion (second of which I bought yesterday).Get what I mean?You are no looser by any view what so ever...I am much older than you and still have nothing...Plus; i drink like a fish, so...
If you wanna get some steam out, gym and a punching bag would be a great solution...As for the friends part; well, hmmm...I would think quite a few people here would get offended when you say that...I know quite a few guys helped me out here...Not just on the guitar part.So much for that...As for living from month to month, I live from weekend to weekend, cause most of my salary goes to this stuff called stambena štednja...it is the thing where you deposit some cash in a bank and then after some time you can get a credit for a house or something...So I am gettin by with money I make from gigs.Hehe.Another good reason to play guitar.And as for staying in most of the time...Well, that is pretty much a personal decision, ain"t it now?
Don"t worry man...it will clear up.We all feel f***** up from time to time,
but that is the way life goes.Accept this as a normal side of living...
And now go and get wasted!!Another good way to relax... ;)