please tell me what you think of these lyrics

[acole22486]

i wrote this rather quick tell me what you think
last night on planet earth
or just the last with you
you showd me my worth
game me a clue
hold on to the moment
for too long it will be gone
or circumvent
and ill be singing my song

dreams are like stars
they let my emotions fly
i wont be so far
just stand by
for a big come down
back to your arms
no more frown
cause theres something about your charm

a thousand wishes coundnt bring me to you
but a thousand years will
thats the way it felt
with your name tatooed
and still we delt
with issues big and small
feelings unkown
cause you never let me fall
when you brought me back home

[Jolly McJollyson]

Ok, It's ok. Makes a decent poem but I can't get a feeling for the rhythm here...but hey, I think you should change it to "too SOON it will be gone"

[iiholly]

no more frown as to go... I cracked up when I read that. It'd be fine for a song if you could make a melody out of it somehow. I mean song lyrics are nothing but bad poetry. Unless you're modest mouse and you kick ass... ok that was random. *runs away*